For me, addiction was an all consuming, all overwhelming force which manifested itself early in my life. Yes, there were mitigating circumstances which caused me to want to numb the pain, and yes, in some instances I was sincerely an innocent.
But, to a larger extent, I was a youngster hell bent on exacting my justice on a world who at times, was unkind to me…..
My form of addiction was not only prone to the abuse of drugs.
I abused the world; I abused people, places and things. I was searching for an external solution to an internal problem.
My parents or circumstances, good or bad, were not my problem. I was my problem and clearly I could not see that.
I suffered from a victim mentality. I was always the one getting the short end of the stick. But, that was my perception of the truth. Unfortunately that perception was my reality, but it was not the truth. The truth was that I was a menace to society, a terrible husband, terrible father and a hardened user who at the end of it all was a totally self-absorbed, selfish monster. It was all about me and trying to fill a hole in my soul.
As using is an intensely personal phenomena that robs a being of his or her spiritual connection to God, it stands completely to reason that God is the only being that can fully restore such a connection. I tried for many years to stay clean through rehabs, NA, self-will, but self is still operating in depending on me and me only knows how to do one thing when I depend on self – that is to “self-destruct”!!!
I needed to make the connection of Letting Go and Letting God……
It’s such a cliché, but the day I gave my will and my life over to the care of Jesus Christ, my whole world started to change. The day I had an encounter with Jesus Christ, my life was never the same, because that is what Jesus does!!! He touches you and changes your heart forever. He fills the hole in your soul, He makes you whole.
And where I got to see this reality was at Sharp addiction centre… through a team of dedicated people, I got to see clearer after using for 21 years – HARD. I got to take my life that was one of complete imprisonment, slavery and give it to Jesus who freed me!!!
Lise’ played an integral part in my journey, always guiding and advising, counselling and being an incredible friend and prayer warrior alongside me and my family.
The walk has been riddled with serious highs and lows but, through God’s grace I am more than 2 ½ years clean and sometimes serene!!!
On a professional level as a counsellor, Lise’ is second to none as she has an intuition and an incredible no nonsense, no BS attitude and the truth is always spoken in love to me. For me, Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and it gets better day by day!!!
Ashley Hellenberg – Recovered Addict